Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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