1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
