I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
