the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
