you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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