hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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