During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
