It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
