I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
