oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
