why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
