and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
