I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
