I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
