I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
