I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
