in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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