What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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