her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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