people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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