I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
