well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Come on in and take your pants off
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