There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
