bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
3 2 1 whiskey
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
