spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
