You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
