He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
