Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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