How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
