fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
