Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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