I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
