Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
