I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
