Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
