for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
