we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
