its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
