PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
