No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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