Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
This is my life. Enjoy the view
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
