I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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