He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
