i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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