If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
