he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
