He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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