dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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