We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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