and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
