You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
