hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
